A woman only leaves when she is ready
That is what the neighbor said
Her hand pointed to her head, It's in here, it's in here.
It has to be here.
She wanted love
I told her to go.
I wish I had known
So much more compassion I would have felt for her
So much more compassion.
I am afraid of no one really even though I am afraid
I would have told him exactly where he could go.
That strength comes from being lonely.
I am so lonely so often.
I cry
I look at all the people who have found their person
Even the autistic people on Love on the Spectrum
Even Hitler had a girlfriend
Gods, kings, bums on the street, there but for the grace of God go I
No, I can have a lover here, a lover there
As if karma itself decided in another life
That in this one, I will be alone.
My jealousy could consume my heart
And yet... I am reminded again and again and again
The women who live with abusers, who live with such unspeakable cruelties
I got out a long time ago,
Unfaithful in word, in deed.
I made my life, with help certainly, but my work too
And when people come to my house and think I live in this charming apartment
and a perfect location
and a good job
They're right.
I did that.
I did.
In spite of where I've come from
When you learn to walk on eggshells
Your feet get oh so very tough
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