morning to night

 did you think of me i asked 

morning to night

!

i will float on those words for days

nothing else is getting in

not that

he did not text

i died

it's over

abuse me not

A woman only leaves when she is ready

That is what the neighbor said

Her hand pointed to her head, It's in here, it's in here.

It has to be here.

She wanted love

I told her to go.

I wish I had known

So much more compassion I would have felt for her

So much more compassion.

I am afraid of no one really even though I am afraid

I would have told him exactly where he could go.

That strength comes from being lonely.

I am so lonely so often.

I cry

I look at all the people who have found their person

Even the autistic people on Love on the Spectrum

Even Hitler had a girlfriend

Gods, kings, bums on the street, there but for the grace of God go I

No, I can have a lover here, a lover there

As if karma itself decided in another life 

That in this one, I will be alone.

My jealousy could consume my heart

And yet... I am reminded again and again and again

The women who live with abusers, who live with such unspeakable cruelties

I got out a long time ago,

Unfaithful in word, in deed.

I made my life, with help certainly, but my work too

And when people come to my house and think I live in this charming apartment

and a perfect location

and a good job

They're right.

I did that.

I did. 

In spite of where I've come from

When you learn to walk on eggshells

Your feet get oh so very tough

Crystal ball

If I could see in the future

I'm pretty sure

You are with someone else

And telling me that you're not feeling romantic

or social

Is the excuse of the inexperienced

I might have said the same

But there is the romantic part of me

The part that thinks like movie scripts

And happy endings

And sunrises

And it says, what if that is the truth

Why would he lie

He is not so fragile around feelings as you

More a bull, a wrecking ball, a large clumsy

So that part imagines that the hours I put in

I will get back

And you are going to wake up one day and want me there

You're going to see we are made for each other

And come running or something

And I won't be able to stop 

the onslaught of kisses you cover me in