this is it

i climbed up some mountain
you see, and i'd been struggling
for a long time on this one
as mountains can be like that.
i'd been struggling across the sea
and then I found I was suddenly there
with almost no effort (surely there
was effort, but I'd forgotten how
many boulders I'd tripped over).
And when I was there, I thought
the view would be better somehow
or no, that somehow I would be
changed, that I would be something
more than the sum of my parts,
a person who'd climbed.
I felt sort of ordinary, as though
what I really wanted was just to
be like everyone else and I wasn't
really sure why I wanted that so
badly. It wasn't anything to be ordinary
short of boring and I was boring and
I am probably going under again.