Shams, dearest, I think I did it again,
spent time imagining this future,
this fantastic future in which I could
be more than myself, and reality
aligned precisely to a vision I had
of how things should be.
And I was so delighted that there was
someone whose physical self could
be occupy that space.
I had a voice, a body, a face, a name.
Then imaginings must be laid aside
and reality is what reality is.
And reality seems so difficult.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

yeah well you left me didn't you

this is day ten day ten count 'em onetwothree fourfivesix seveneightnineten nineten ninethen ten Monday to a Wednesday a week past To a thursday then a friday If he calls, it will be sunday, but he won't I'm not waiting you know not waiting I have written him in my heart a thousand times and I dream of getting lost on the bus lines in the chilterns lost lost lost Shams, i lost him on the buses i didn't mind anything of his non life his non car his non job his non house Shams, you can't make a partnership of one solo acts don't co-create I am not it not it not ninethenten nine then ten oh my god why does it hurt so much 
Read more

text me damn you

i have stared at this phone what 100 times a day for two days waiting for some message from you  i'm not a texting guy you said what is not a texting guy i texted everyother guy i knew  and they texted back  yesterday today tomorrow but you're the one who asked you kissed me at my door and did not leave without my commitment sneaky, sly bastard, said  you didn't want to risk me wanted to be on the same page as me wasn't sure what i thought of relationships (my undoing, my death, my cage, my obsession, my bad luck) what did i think of relationships (please let it be not another one) i might as well have been hit by a train at the door i might as well have asked for water in the desert i could have asked for a raincoat in a hurricane risk me?  i said what i meant for a texting man nothing to read but texts of other men risk me? how you risk me now heartless bitch i've become  waiting on a text i won't get don't you know what the world has done to my words
Read more

for love of

the men i know care nothing for love nothing They wanted other things.  CompanyRespectAudienceFeedbackFlatteryEgoEgoEgo. Nothing, he said. I want nothing. I want Nothing, I give Nothing Which in the end is everything. They wanted opportunities to be heroic but I have never been a distressed damsel. The one. Opens his heart,  Offers a vein. just so I can drink his blood and what is more heroic than his certainty  that I would never do that?
Read more